Cancer doesn’t end when treatment ends. Whether you’re cured or not, the shadow of cancer haunts you for the rest of your life. The cancer might not physically be there, but there will always be a fear in your mind and heart.

There are countless side effects of cancer, many of them long term.

Officially, I am four years in remission; however,  I know that childhood cancer will be part of my adult life.

One of the biggest side effects is having to go back to the hospital for checkups: 3 months, 6 months then a year. While the intervals get farther apart the longer I am cancer free, I will always go to the doctor more often than a regular teen.

These checkups are not like normal check ups. You get blood taken, you get an x-ray or scan, and you get an exam where the cancer was.

Many people might think losing hair is no big deal, but they won’t understand until they feel it. Depending on the type of chemo you had, it can take a short or long amount of time for hair to grow back. For me, even four years later, I have pretty short and skimpy hair.

Either way, losing your hair is like losing a part of you. People use their hair to represent them. Cancer patients use hats or wigs to cover up the baldness, but they are itchy and annoying and feel like a chore to put on. My best go-to were headbands.

A really self-esteem shaking problem is having scars. A scar isn’t something that you have for one day then it goes away. Rather, it’s there for your whole life. Many people look at scars as representing themselves while others use them to tell their story. Scars come in all different shapes and sizes, and no one should be ashamed of having one. My arm has a 12-inch scar that will show, no matter how long it is. I will have a scar on my wedding day. It’s long sleeves or have everyone stare.

Think about how protective my whole family is. The emotional toll will last forever. My mom and dad will never stop worrying that the cancer will return.

Nine-year-old, Vara Gordon, kidney cancer survivor, says, “I felt lonely and scared and like I didn’t have a voice. I felt worried a lot and like I could die.”

Although there are many downs to cancer, there are a limited number of perks.

One of those perks includes Make-A-Wish. Make-A-Wish‘s goal is to grant one wish for cancer patients. The patient has the option to wish to go, meet, have, be, or give anything. Make-A-Wish helps kids look forward to something great after all the treatment they have gone through.

For me, the added bonus is getting to meet other cancer fighters and advocates, while raising more awareness. The Truth 365 does that and more. Their mission statement says, “Our mission is to shine a light on the state of childhood cancer research funding by uniting the childhood cancer community, members of Congress, top pediatric oncologists and several of the country’s most influential celebrities.”

Gabi Shull, cancer survivor and national Truth 365 spokesperson, says her favorite perk is getting to inspire other kids who are fighting cancer to never give up and to keep fighting.

I’m going to focus on the rainbow after the storm. The rainbow is knowing you beat cancer and knowing that you are now an inspiration to others who are on this cancer journey.