Dear Mr. Bieber,

A recent article posted by WMAC News, which describes itself as “a fantasy news site” where “most articles are satire or pure fantasy,” claims that you are planning to move to Frederick, Maryland.

Apparently, you are very tired of the “L.A. lifestyle,” and would love to settle in a place where “the people… are real… they’re genuine.”

Needless to say, girls all over Frederick County were sharing the story on all social networks, texting all of their fellow Beliebers, and swooning over the possibility of meeting you on our local streets.

I guess the Justin Bieber-loving population of Frederick will be forced to let go of the dream, but I should let you know, we all think that you’re making a big mistake. Frederick has so much more to offer than drooling fans.

Looking for a good place to say “Sorry?” In downtown Frederick, the 35-acres of lush grass, water features, and flowers of Baker Park provide scenery so beautiful, it would be hard for anyone to refuse a heartfelt apology there.  Imagine the annual July 4th celebration with Beiber as the headline in the Baker Park Bandshell.

How about Frederick in the most beautiful time of the year? Want to lead your girl to the mistletoe?  Frederick offers an array of ways to get into the holiday spirit, including the Festival of Lights, the Scents and Sweets competition, and a holiday art show. If you’re in a more somber mood, say you’re spending the season alone, there is a candle-light tour of historic homes during the season that will appeal to your more spiritual side.

In “No Sense,” you told us, “The sun don’t set unless you’re watching it go down with me.” The views of the sun setting from Sugarloaf Mountain are about as good (and romantic) as it gets.

If you’re really looking for a place where the people are down to Earth, there’s no competition. Frederick County is 660 square miles of beautiful land, much of it devoted to family farms. We’re about as down to the Earth as it gets.

In “Believe,” you talk about knowing what it feels like to touch the sky. At Catoctin Chimney Rock, you really feel like you can! Catoctin can also show you how to really fall at Cunningham Falls.

You’ll love Frederick so much, you’ll want to die in its arms. As morbid as it is, when you do, the famous Mount Olivet Cemetery is a serene place worthy of consideration.  Tell Selena if she’s looking for the ghost of you, they offer ghost tours, as well.

Speaking of girlfriends, back in your early days, you sang “First Dance.” Lucky for you, I guess I could spare you a first dance at my senior Prom on May 7th.

So, Mr. Bieber, just this one time, believe in Frederick. You’ll love it, mark my words.

Sincerely,

A devoted Frederick County resident